Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
