Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
