It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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