The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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