It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
