he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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