I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
