Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
