I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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