You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
