she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
