Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
