I cockslap morals
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
