You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
