I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
