we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
