He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
