and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
