Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
