I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
