I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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