I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
4 words: hood of his car
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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