Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
