No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm like, not good at living.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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