Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
