glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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