theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
