Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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