dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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