I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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