Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize