Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
