i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
