OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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