I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
