You really coming over, don't trick.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
