Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
