IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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