uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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