i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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