i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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