it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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