It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
did i just pee glitter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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