Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
