having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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