Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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