i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
