Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
