dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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