So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
