Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
try to milk me bitch
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