the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
