there's paper in my vomit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
