Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
