i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
