She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
