I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
