You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
