life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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