Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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