Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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