I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
