My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize