So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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