Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
