I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
