That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
