You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
