ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
