he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
