I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's shark week go big or go home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
